Extra Helping.

Recently, within the last month, I've come across someone in a chat room who turned out to be an encourager.  We spent an entire day talking about each other and needless to say we hit it off.  I can't carry on a conversation very well and eventually things become awkward, but not with him.  We've been chatting about 3 times a week.  He's encouraged me to the point were my belly has grown another half inch.  He tells me how proud he is and says I should continue to ballon up, which I might.  I'm currently 57.5" around.  I definitely feel bigger thanks to him.  Even though his encouragement is completely online, it's effective none the less.  

Also, I might be moving to Orlando, Florida this summer for a job opportunity at Disney World.  My would-be encourager lives a short drive from there.  Perhaps our gaining sessions will be conducted in person very soon.  It's a big step, I know, but if things work out I might report an impressive weight gain by next January.  Until May, I will continue to fill you in on any upcoming details.  

Comment Please.

I see that there are a lot of people reading my blog, but I'm thinking of doing a little experiment.  Please leave a comment, it can be anonymous.  Just say where your from and feel free to add anything else (comment about my blog; likes/dislikes, bits of encouragement, etc.)  Simple.  If you're reading this right now leave a comment.  Can't wait to hear from you.

Lifted.

Since my last post, with some help, I've sorta come out of this slump I've been living in for the past week.  I realized that I'm not alone at all.  I was completely wrong.  I guess it was just one of those cloudy days for me.  I was busy working and not paying any attention to reading my favorite book, which usually helps me escape for a while.  Now that most of the crucial, important, attention demanding work is done, I can concentrate more on myself.  I also realize that this blog is really "gaining" based, and maybe I could post a little here and there about interests and current activities.  Thank you to all those reading this by being so supportive.  I will continue to post regularly.  

Lonely.

So I got up and have been looking on the computer for guys in my area to chat with, but no one is online.  Even these blogs I've been following and bloggers that are following me aren't posting anything new.  I feel so alone right now.  I used to get one or two comments on my blog entries that would give me some reassurance and keep me gaining so I stay pleasantly plump.  No one to share with, no one to chat with.  I almost feel stupid for writing these blogs.  Almost.  Sometimes I think it helps me keep my sanity (if I ever had a shred to begin with.)  After hours on the net I realized how lonely I really was and also how my crush is not going anywhere.  *Sigh* 

Yesterday.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, another hopeless day for me finding that special someone.  I'm fat and unattractive for the most part (however, I've 'grown' to accept that.)  It's in the eye of the beholder.  This I know.  Just feeling a bit down today so forgive me.  Been snacking on pink frosted cupcakes, chocolate hearts, and tons of leftover food from last night.  Eating when uncomfortable, the gainer's best friend.  So worry not, I won't stress myself to the point of losing inches.  It's quite the opposite considering I can practically hear the sound of my shorts ripping wide open (eats another hershy's kiss *pop*). 

Sundays.  I'm filled with dread on Sundays.  Not entirely sure why.  Maybe it's because this is a day for going to church which I have become less accustomed to do.  Often I feel more a sense of guilt.  It's the fact that I'm living in such sin.  The biggest mortal sins I can think of.  Vanity, Sloth, Lust, and Gluttony.  My live-in-the-now philosophy is not working out well partially because it makes me look selfish and lazy.  Naturally that means I'm not enjoying myself very much.  

Update.

I've never been able to do an update since last summer when the gaining all started.  But irony of irony's while I was starting to think of losing weight I ended up gaining quite a few pounds.  It was last night when I got up from this computer to shower, I noticed when I stood up that my stomach wobbled more than usual. I lifted my shirt and saw a hefty ball drop and bounce right in front of me.  Then I noticed my chest was much bigger.  All the weight is carried mostly in my stomach, chest, and back.  So I decided to measure myself.  My belly measured a perfect 57" around.  That's been my goal as far as size is concerned.  So I must weigh in the 300-320 neighborhood.  My goal is reached.

Doubts.

I've been gaining for a while now and I realized that I would be sacrificing a lot just by looking fat.  As most of you gainers are aware of, even if we accept each other and appreciate the work we put into shaping our bodies, there are those who are quite the opposite.  I have never been teased about my weight yet, but I can feel the stares sometimes of all my skinny friends.  My best friend and I are the only ones who really have a right to joke about each other.  Between me and him that would include dramatic changes in weight.  After high school he got really thin and taller, I stayed the same hight and became much much fatter.  I'm sure he's noticed that.  But we never say anything to each other.  I look at my skinny best friend and how great he looks coupled with the new hair cut he's been sporting lately.  I have become quite jealous of him.  

Being fat has made a lot of things awkward.  I will never dance on stage again without an extra hundred and thirty pounds wobbling around like waves in the ocean.  I don't exactly fit well into the seats at the theater.  My sides are pressed into each other causing a small bubble of fat to protrude further out in front of me peeking slightly from under my shirt.  Usually it takes a while until my lower belly starts feeling chilled.  Clothes aren't fitting right of course.  It's hard to be taken seriously at a job interview (at least it is for me.)  especially when I'm turning in applications at the bakery.  Always a fantasy of mine to work at a bakery and fatten myself with the gorging of many delectable wedding cakes and drums of frosting.  

So every thing is explained.  50% of gaining is embarrassing and the other 50% is just hot.  I feel like I want to loose all this weight some times just to look as handsome as my friends.  Who knows?  I may just do that after college.