Tomb Service!

Welcome foolish mortals. And Happy All Hallows Eve! Though it has been such a long time since posting, I don't think I can rightfully fill in this installment with so much detail of what's happened since. I will try my best. I have secured a new job working at Disney and it is wonderful. It was my dream job location right from the start and I've managed to pay rent every single month which was originally my biggest concern. Unfortunately money has been soooo tight I don't eat at all anymore. I really miss my food terribly so and dream about feasts in my sleep. I don't know which I would rather have, the job I dreamed about or the weight I'd dreamed about. Why couldn't I have both?? Yesterday when I stepped on to the once very dusty scales from lack of use I allowed the digital numbers to fetch me a new number for my weight. I peered down over the portion of my belly that was still round and bowed out above the wobbling overhang and saw that I had lost 20lbs since starting my job here in August. My work clothes have dropped nearly 3 sizes each piece and I must say I feel I look snazzy in them. Would I still enjoy being fat in my costume, you bet I would and have the sneaking suspicion that one of my handsome coworkers would find me even more attractive and validated in his suspicions of me and my size. We have talked and joked before (not about weight) but he has given me a few pokes to the stomach and smiled widely. He's an odd ball but devilishly cute. This time however I know exactly what he likes...based on what I've heard from an old acquaintance of mine who encountered this guy for a feeding at which my coworker was quite skilled and accomplished at. You may remember me telling you about this not long ago how a close friend of mine at my most recent job location turned out to be an encourager/gainer/feeder who showed up on my doorstep at 1 o'clock in the morning to confess this? For certain, this guy who has been poking my stomach and giggling at me is no doubt a member of our community whether active or not I get a bit tingly thinking about how to tell him. Or should I even bother? I'm wasting away to nothing though still at a healthfully fat 280lbs, I doubt that feedings will take care of my problem. Where will the food come from??? How often can we meet with his full time schedule and Disney always changing out start times less than 24 hours before? I am a mess of confusion and no doubt there is more to come in this saga of "WTF". I hope some reader out there can wish me the best of luck as I try to decide where to go with my life from this point on. Will continue to post no need to worry (if any of you still care to read).

(Fat)asies come true!

Hello my beloved readers. Glad to be back. So much has happened in the past month 1/2 since my last posting. Only a few more minutes until I must trudge back to work for another measly six hours, but not so bad really. Sorry it's been so long since I've writte. Many things have happened, almost relationship, meetings with fellow gainers/encouragers, etc. You know the drill. And a most interesting an remarkable thing happened to me last month, which I shall divulge to you my friends.

Since starting at my current job, I've been having great difficulty coping with the tasks, and getting along with coworkers and guests that come to the parks. After working for 4 months I made one or two decent friends. They seemed to tollorate my company and I was happy to be included every now and again. One friend in particular was a real gem. He was certainly a cutie and of course there was no doubt from anyone especially in himself, but he wasn't vain or self centered. We would hang out a couple times and talk about different things like our jobs and boys. (Yes, he is gay as am I). Most often we would meet by the pool and share a bit of down time before clocking in. I swore I caught him staring at me but thought nothing of it. He was such a nice guy, although in a relationship, I didn't mind that sort of harmless flirthing. It was on a ride home one night that he asked if I had an account with Biggercity.com to which I shamelessly answered, yes. Turns out he also had an account there and fancied himself a chaser. I felt a bit more comfortable around him then on. He went to the pool a couple times more and I knew for sure this time when I pretended to close my eyes that his own eyes wandered about my midsection and namely my belly puffed out and proud. I decided on wearing shirts that were slightly more snug than usual partly because I was carrying a lot of water weight and my clothes felt smaller than normal, but also becase I knew this special friend would get a kick out of it. Low and behold, one night he sends me a text asking if he could come over to my apartment. I invited him in once he showed up just a few minutes later almost trembling. I just finished cleaning my apartment and stood there in my tightest shorts and shirt from my kitchen as he sort of glared at me. Uneasily I asked if everything was allright. To my near embarrassment he asked me about my account on grommr.com which is a new gainer/encourager site. I was nearly floored! How the heck did he know?! My friend smiled a big smile and told me that there was nothing to worry about because he was the same as me. An encourager with an eye for other growing guys. We talked and talked hours and hours into the night until the sun came up about gaining and other gainers and about our history and where we believe it all started. He had never really met a real gainer before even though I'd met a few and he admitted to me that all he really wanted was a chance to give a belly rub to someone who would genuinely enjoy the sensation. I allowed it. And it was amazing. Sadly he has moved away to be with his boyfriend, which I totally and completely understand. It just wasn't good timing and he ended up with someone before we had a chance to meet. Otherwise, who knows? Hopefully meet again someday.

Sadly the guy I thought would be my special someone and talked about in my last post failed to meet me again. We don't talk anymore but I still cherish the wonderful moments we shared alone, our eyes closed, our lips touching. Too bad something so good can't last but that's life. And I'm so enjoying what I have now, which is a nice private place to live and plenty of food for my growing belly.

He Likes 'Em Big.

Moving on to the next man. :) lol

My gainer friend is great and I think he's a nice guy, but he's got a guy of his own. I finally met someone and I think he might be my first boy friend. You cannot believe the goosebumps I have right now just saying that. He and I have gone on two dates. Once just a walk downtown and then once at my apartment for a movie and some serious cuddling. There is nothing like the feeling you get when a guy you really like sits right down next to you and touches his leg, his hip to yours and knowing he enjoys the sensation. He had kissing on his mind and it was on mine too. We finally shared a date that the both of us had hoped for. Four straight hours we held hands and I rested my head on his shoulder. We stopped every two minutes it seemed just kissing and kissing. There was a point here it got soooo heated he began to straddle me with my belly between his legs an loomed over me with his soft lips inching closer to my cheeks. Each tender kiss was coupled with a gentle massage of my moob or belly and his other hand would be there rubbing my neck.

I swear it was beautiful.

We then cooled down a bit and just sat counting the minutes until I had to pick up and leave. But he and I seemed to mutually share a feeling. Neither of us wanted to leave and we both eagerly await to see each other again.

It's moments like that that make me happy and proud that I put on all of this weight and became as big as I am today. There are guys out there who love guys like us, guys who are heavy and big. There's absolutely no shame and there should be no doubt about our own attractiveness. My newest friend helped me realize this. So my advice to you guys doubting yourselves and over critisizing your bodies and picking at the little quirks or 'non appealing features' and just stand proud. They may well be the things that your guy will go for and love about you. So take the extra slice of cake and down it with the remaining milk in your fridge. There will be more of you to love. ;)

Fatties of a Feather.

Do you remember the encounter I mentioned in my last posting? We had another encounter this past weekend and I can surely say it was plenty of fun. I admit that there were somethings I probably wasn't ready for but he was a sweetheart and always asked me how I felt. The day started with a trip to a chinese buffet and both of us put away a fair amount of food. The two of us and our bloated bellies drove to pick up a redbox and then to the beach for some sun and a nice casual chat. We took off our shirts and gave the fat some cooking time. Goodness knows I needed some color. It wasn't a conversation about gaining for the most part, but we talked a bit about where it began for us and how far we were planning to get with our weight. I'm sure he's planning to reach my currently number and match me in size, which thrilled me to hear about. I caught him stealing small glances as my stomach and chest, but I was a bit too shy to have a look at him myself while he was right there next to me although I had my share. He was so cute and his body was so hot. When I gave him a nice long belly rub, the small tuft of hair on his stomach and chest gave me goosebumps. Needless to say all of that belly rubbing between the two of us gave way to something more. We were lounging in his bed rubbing when suddenly he turned himself closer to me and started cuddling with me. I did too. And soon we were rubbing more than bellies. Moobs, arms, legs, necks, etc. It was fun, but we didn't go further than that even though both of us wanted to. All the while I discovered how ticklish I was, so I felt bad by how twitchy I was, but I think he enjoyed watching my fat bobble all over while his hands were grazing my love handles and chest.

I'm posting this because it's a way of thanking him for the fun we had together and how much I appreciated him helping me come out of my shell. Hopefully we remain friends and see each other once in a while at least. I wish him well, and if he's reading this I hope he doesn't take offense. It was a great experience and I just had to share with my reader friends.

A Belly Poke To Remember.

Greetings fellow fat followers. Tonight was a special night. Special as in I did something kinda not nice but at the same time fell completely fine about it later. Nothing too harsh, I actually ditched a group of friends to meet a fellow gainer/encourager tonight and it was actually a ton of fun. :) He has a little ways to go 'alteast from what he tells me' and I understand what he means, but honestly the guy looks great no matter what, although I do prefer his look now compared to how thin he was a couple years ago. It started out fairly random and kinda awkward because he never really came into the bar where me and my friends where to introduce himself but I understood. It would be very odd trying to explain how exactly he and I met or our reasons for meeting. He has a boyfriend, so I'm not sure 100% what this friendship will entail but so far it seems he's a great guy and I would definitely like to chat with him anytime I can. After we finished our dinner, he lifted a bit of his shirt and rubbed his little tummy and as we were pulling out he commented on how nice mine looked after the meal and gave me a little poke on the belly. I absolutely loved it. Looking forward to a potential full rubbing. He ended the meeting with a nice hug which I thought was so sweet and I'm totally sad he's taken. But I think I can still settle with friendship even as time passes. Perhaps we will both grow as a result of this friendship.

Big Fat Whoop.

So here I am in sunny humid Orlando where the cute gay men are plentiful and the beach bekens. I'm currently participating in an internship program down here and if things turn out well, I may move here permanantly with a part time job at Universal or Disney (depending on which has more hours). Besides all of the beautiful guys out here few (if not any of them) seem interested. And why would they? I'm a fatso. lol

There's nothing wrong with being my size. I've know that for a looooong time. The only issue is trying to find someone willing to meet with me and is fully interesting in 'all' of me. I roomed with a nice gay guy two weeks ago and he ended up moving out on me two days ago. So without regret I sent him on his way, because it was only after we met that I realized he was expecting a much much thinner and less fat version of me. I shared an older picture of me when we first had a chat online and he seemed very interested. I mentioned that I didn't have any more recent pictures because I'd put on a lot of weight recently. He said 'Hun, don't worry. I love the person inside most. The rest doesn't matter at all.' So I believed him. But once I came up behind him in the hotel pool area and gave him a little bear hug, he turned around and saw my big belly right there in his face and all at once lost the eager grin on his face. I stood slightly embarrassed for a second, but then he stood and gave me a little hug back. He locked his wrists between where my chest fat creased into the fat of my love handles. He said, "Ooooo I kinda like this" as he slightly jiggled the surrounding fat and I felt a nice slow ripple go through me. "Youre like a teddy bear."

I then felt warm inside. A man was holding me and seemed to like it. I thought we would share beautiful evenings together on the couch with him lying on top of me both watching our favorite movie. I thought I would have my first kiss then, but it was sadly never to be. He found a 'girl friend' and he never spoke to me after. Apparently he never mentioned that he was bi. But I strangely don't feel sadness from it. I felt free. I had broken the ice and I feel that I might be more ambitious in meeting the next guy.

(Look at me talking about the next guy. Sounds like I'm on 'Sex and the City'.)

If anyone in Orlando would like to possibly go to a buffet with me and keep myself or ourselves ample. Please let me know via email which should be posted on my profile. If that doesn't work leave me a comment and I'll be sure to fix it. As for my current weight I've managed to put on a good 3lbs since I arrived which surprised me greatly. So here I sit on my 303lb butt waiting for Mr. Right as always. Not much of an improvement I know, but hey... Improvement is improvement.