Hello again. Today is the day after Easter and now there is only a handful of holidays to serve me until the BBQs and birthday cake of July 4th. My birthday is actually the day before, but I digress. I would like to say that though I never seem to post regularly I assure you (the reader/whoever you are) that I likely will never abandon my blog. I have recently taken on a job at a craft store and earn a meager minimum wage check which is almost enough to support my newly developed eating habits and other pleasant hobbies. There is not a day where I don't think about my newest projects. As an artist, especially one working at a craft store as of late, I find several different things lining the shelves I could use in a new painting, sculpture, accessory, etc. Since I'm trying to save up for a trip to Florida this fall I will find it painfully difficult without selling some of my things. My precious things. What I own, I love because I care about what I have worked hard to obtain.
I'm here to announce today that I have gained at least 20 of the lost 40-50lbs and it looks like things have finally 'stuck' to me. The weight that fluctuated so much seems to have settled with more bulk leaving a nice shelf (a 'save point' if you will) to put more on with ease. I had such mixed feelings before about how I felt with my body becoming familiar again. I was faaar more comfortable with the way I looked 'face wise' as a thinner guy than I do now. For some reason I can't get over the issue of face fat. I apologize. I'm so vein.
So what have I been doing about my weight nowadays? I've been wearing it proudly. The same shift of the good ol' dome sitting squarely over my belt appeals to me greatly as it did before it seemed I lost if for good. In fact I think that every thing torso-wise has puffed out a great deal more than I was even at my heaviest. My legs are taking a bit longer to 'bounce' back considering I use them for work and have developed a lot of good tone working for Disney. I am about to pop the 300lb cherry again which should appeal to you. I have neutral feelings about this. Only because I'm working early on my Halloween costume would I really like not to out grow it before October. Even if it would fit my character well, I still would rather save it for later. There are sooo many people I spoke with on GG and BC and BF who tell me to keep going and going and going. Yes, I want to but at my own pace, slow and soft. It would be incredible waking up with Mr. Right to morning belly rubs and other kinds of rubs for the both of us.
I can't stop eating.
I eat and eat daily the most bizarre combinations of foods I've heard of. Basically it's been anything I can get my fat mitts on around the house. Something else to confess, as a result of my diet I'm also frequenting a certain personal practice. What's wrong with me? My friends from Florida won't ever recognize me again. They don't really know me as the roly-poly I'm turning into and I don't want things to be awkward around them, but it likely will. Why can't I just make up my mind about the world I would rather be in? While I ponder I guess I'll just have to get used to being bigger. And maybe in time my mind will mellow out. I wish I could explain to my friends about this but I won't burden them with the discomforting images past, present, and future. I guess contact with someone like me is more of something I need for now. I just hope that they won't shut me away or think that I've shut them away either.
Please comment. Let me know you're there.
