Eat Up, Chow Down.

Greetings reader friends of the gaining community. It feels like I'm introducing myself all over again. It's been over a month I'll admit but I seriously have been busy with work, which is finally over in two days! I'm so excited. I'm so ready to be eating normal food and hit all the favorite drive throughs etc. Even as I type I feel starved. I'm sitting on my bed right now lying on my side shirtless in my boxers, with "Law & Order" playing a bit loudy on the t.v. Roommate in the living room talking with his girlfriend. The door has a lock so I feel like my room is completely my own and I can do what I please in total privacy. Had a terrible roommate living in the same room with me but he moved out. (Long exhausting story.) As I'm lying on my side I'm looking down at my body and I'm seeing a big deflaited midsection. When I used to lie on my back a few months ago I would look down over my chest to see a bobbling bowing fleshy belly lightly garnished with thin strands of dark hair. Then I liked to sit up and view the impressive span of my thighs and love handles as I fondled the expance of tissue around my middle. Then the probing of the navel, the shaking, the glooping would begin (good times). I was really into my body. Not a day went by where I wasn't entertained by the all the weight I had gained.

Now I must dispense some bad news. Well not bad but sort of disappointing. That scale I've been checking every day for months has a surpising read lately. It says 279....I couldn't believe it. Nearly 40 pounds lost. My body has become a bit leaner (especially my legs) since I've been here working in Florida. I no longer feel like the Pilsbury Doughboy. Remembering how I was before, a blooming 320lb. fattie now slowly losing what I've accomplished, it all seems like a pleasant dream. I'm trying to remember how much my gut filled my hands as I played with my fat. I struggle to recall how heavy and full my 'rack' was. My swollen hands, my chubby cheeks, everything feels like a very distant memory. I know it seems like I'm making a big deal about this. Trust me, that last 40 pounds was so difficult and took so long to gain but the results were amazingly and hugely noticable. All of it went directly my girth. I do remember applying the measuring tape to my swolen gut every morning and night to see inch after inch creep up on me. Never had a scale but the size was gratifying enough. Gosh it was blissfully hefty. The bobble under my shirt was euphoric as I waddled to the kitchen for a late night stuffing, especially the midnight drive to Mc D's with every bump on the road sending shock waves up my body. This is where I would pause and take a 'moment' to myself but I'll wrap it up for you first.

Aside from the fact that I've been eating some pretty fattening foods during my stay I still managed to lose nearly 45 pounds. I believe the culprit could be the increase in exercise and the lack of 3-8 square meals a day. *Duh* I realize that. But apparently like so many people have told me. The weight likes to pile back on when you fall into your normal routine and it especially likes to show up with 'company'. We shall see. If I can gain in all back in a short amount of time, I will definitely document all I can. Pictures, more blog posts, and even vids. Who knows? I don't think I'd be apposed to making personal appearances. lol. Just kidding, but I'm sure the guy for me is out there. No, haven't found him yet. Met a fellow gainer recently but I did a lot of talking so I think I scared him off. He was a cutie though, loved the deep voice. He was tall, had wavy hair and a little beard (cute), very broad shoulders, puppy eyes, and 'from what I could tell under his baggy clothes' a very large belly (how I would've loved to explore it). What a dummy I am. But it was our first time out and I didn't want things going too fast. We went to a local spot and both ordered the biggest friggin' thing we could find on the menu and talked about gaining, etc. It was beyond hot but I didn't want to admit anything. We text occasionally now. I rarely get a response, but part of me really hopes that I get to see him again. That is the culmination of my interesting experience newly independant and away from home. More to follow.

Off to lunch....a lot of lunch.

Dream Big.

Well, it has been a long time since I've updated my blog. I can't believe how busy I've been these past few months. The change in seasons is very slow, but I can feel it getting much cooler outside which is good. I'm not a big fan of the heat. Disney has been an everchanging experience. Each work day actually continues to keep me somewhat entertained. We all grow a bit tired of routine, but thankfully I haven't felt that to a strong degree. My roommate has been decorating his side of the apartment for christmas after taking down his Halloween stuff. Oh! Halloween was a blast. Partied at the haunted mansion, ate plenty of good food, and capped it off with some drinks at the bar with my good friends. I feel blessed to have these wonderful people to talk to. Apart from the sweeter things there are also the sour. When I'm not working, I am very much alone. My roommates don't really pay much attention to anyone but themselves, and I'm okay with that to a degree. It means I can have more privacy.

I bought a scale a few weeks ago and I've been keeping track of my weight. (Yes I'm sure you were anxious to hear som news about that). Well the last time I weighed my self I was 291, a full 20lbs lighter than when I started this internship. Am I saddened by my smaller than usual size? No. But I'm not happy either. I continue to watch other gainers progressing and threatening to pass me by on the scales. I have a hint of jealousy. But I look at them as inspiration. Wanna give a shoutout to Stuffmebloated for all his accomplishments. Glad to see he's doing well.

Off to lunch.

Update (Part 4).

295 lbs. That's what I weighed on an empty stomach. So I believe that damage was a bit worse than I thought. Apparently I lost 17 close to 20lbs. Wow, not bad for 2 months.

Gaining lost weight is infamous for being almost too easy. Everyday I read weight gaining blogs and fantasize about the size I will be after this program is over. Will I end up weighing much more than where I started or the same? Have to go for now. ttyl.

Update (Part 3).

What's up y'all? Okay so here's the news. Not sure if it's happy or sad just yet. I've been working at my new job for two whole months and things are going great. I have a new place in which I feel very at home. The people I room with don't get all up in my business which is something I absolutely love. Overall I can say that the beginning of my six month program has started out quite well.

Here's where things might get a bit sad. My new job demands climbing stairs atleast 5+ times a day and there's always some walking and/or running involves so..... I think I lost some weight. I've definitely lost some 'mass in the ass', my legs have gotten stronger (maybe more muscular), my gut deflated some along with the chest but everything else is still 100% the same. My face, my neck, my fat hands and arms are still soft as ever. I don't have a scale *next item on my shopping list* so I don't know exactly what the damage is.

When I first left home before flying off to Orlando I weighed in officially at 311lbs after doing a check up at the doctor. Not bad. I had a feeling that I was closer to 320, but like I said I am without a proper scale. I wouldn't doubt that with all the extra exertion coupled with the fact that I've cut out soda completely could mean I may once again be in the 200's neighborhood.

Who knows? Getting trim might mean reliving the fun of gaining but this time having a partner to experience it with. I'll try to stay posted.

Update (Part 2).

"Okay, so here's the 'skinny' on my fat."

Where do I start?  Yes, my fat friends, I am still one of you.  To say that I'm merely "bigger" would be a personal understatement.  I feel fat.  For the first time I truly feel like I have the body I've been eating for.  When I'm hanging out with a friend, there always seems to be an elephant in the room (and it's hiding under my tightened shirt).  *sigh*  Naturally my weight has gone up, but I wouldn't know exactly how much.  I don't have a proper scale to observe my progress.  The only indication I have is that 300 is the scale's limit.  I only have a tape measure that reaches up to 60" long.  I've climbed my way from 47" to 57" and now the tape must be fully stretched out to find my current number.  Just a few more inches and my belly will have a 5 foot circumference.  

As far as experiences go, I had my run-ins with a few comments and staring.  Naturally, some belly bumps (moments when a person tries to push through a crowded space and accidentally shoves into one's belly, enough to make it bobble and shake.)  My stomach has bombarded with a fellow employee's elbow once, with the belly of another fellow employee, and the belly of our dairy delivery man)  "Whoops!", he said.  "Gotta watch out for the belly.  I keep forgetting I'm fat."  It would've been what some would call a 'hot moment', but he's so much older than I am.  Not really what I'm into.  Then there are more occasions when I go to a favorite restaurant or movie theater and my wideness can't cope with the capacity of my seat.  This is coupled with the creaking of the chair with every movement I make, even when I extent my chubby arm to grab a sip of Dr. Pepper.  

Since I work in the kitchen of a convenience store I get to prepare some truckers' favorites and pizza after pizza after pizza.  Oh the pizza.  I've had my share, but not my fill of it.  I've downed more pizza in the past two months than in a typical year of my life.  You'd think I'd be much bigger by now, but things are moving slower since I eased of the aggressive gaining.  I've been paying less attention to my size because what happens after a few weeks of unconscious eating is a more surprising transformation.  That's what happened to me two days ago when I walked into the bathroom to see in the mirror a hint of blubber visible from under my 3x shirt.  I had just eaten a big breakfast and was full to the limit.  I filled out every space of my night shirt with grumbling fatty softness.  I lifted up the shirt to find how big around it was and I proceeded to touch it and rub it vigorously.  I was able to lift giant handfulls on either side.  I dropped my fatty stomach and heard the thud as it slapped against my hip and thighs, the very act of which caused it to churn for a good two seconds.

No telling where I'll be by January of next year, with my budget tightening up almost as much as my pants.  We'll see.  

Off to lunch.  

Update.

Well, I can certainly say that this past month has been an interesting one.  In my last entry I mentioned that I may be moving to Orlando to work at Disney World.  Well, that 'may be' has turned into a 'definitely'.  I already booked my flight and I'm looking for a place to stay as I will be arriving a day early to be sure I get to check-in at the apartments on time.  While there, I'll be working in attractions, which means any of the rides and events they provide in the magic kingdom.  I have a free pass to the park when I'm not working which should make for the best day off of my life!  Plus I believe I get discounts from Universal Studios and Epcot (But when I worked at our local theme park here in Iowa, I never visited on my down time.  Actually I worked open to close every day for months.  There was really 'no' time.), etc. etc. blah, blah, blah.  You readers don't want to be bored, do you?  Anyway, officially I will be living in on Disney property June 15th.  I'll try to document everything I can over the next six months of my internship, though I hardly think I'll get to see all of Orlando even in that amount of time.  Most of all I'd like to see the ocean.  Never have although I did spend a week in Washington D.C. and we were a mere hour from the coast.  

So every day since I signed up and eagerly awaited the invitation I have been seeing nothing but Disney adds on T.V. , the radio, movies, etc.  I never really bothered paying attention because sometimes there was a promise of a "free 'family of four' trip to Disney World" and I sulked because that was an impossibility.  There was no money we could spend that would not put on in permanent debt.  I've since then worked very hard and saved up plenty of money.  My first experience at one of the happiest places on earth will be from the other side (not as a vacationer, but an employee).  

More to follow.

Extra Helping.

Recently, within the last month, I've come across someone in a chat room who turned out to be an encourager.  We spent an entire day talking about each other and needless to say we hit it off.  I can't carry on a conversation very well and eventually things become awkward, but not with him.  We've been chatting about 3 times a week.  He's encouraged me to the point were my belly has grown another half inch.  He tells me how proud he is and says I should continue to ballon up, which I might.  I'm currently 57.5" around.  I definitely feel bigger thanks to him.  Even though his encouragement is completely online, it's effective none the less.  

Also, I might be moving to Orlando, Florida this summer for a job opportunity at Disney World.  My would-be encourager lives a short drive from there.  Perhaps our gaining sessions will be conducted in person very soon.  It's a big step, I know, but if things work out I might report an impressive weight gain by next January.  Until May, I will continue to fill you in on any upcoming details.  

Comment Please.

I see that there are a lot of people reading my blog, but I'm thinking of doing a little experiment.  Please leave a comment, it can be anonymous.  Just say where your from and feel free to add anything else (comment about my blog; likes/dislikes, bits of encouragement, etc.)  Simple.  If you're reading this right now leave a comment.  Can't wait to hear from you.

Lifted.

Since my last post, with some help, I've sorta come out of this slump I've been living in for the past week.  I realized that I'm not alone at all.  I was completely wrong.  I guess it was just one of those cloudy days for me.  I was busy working and not paying any attention to reading my favorite book, which usually helps me escape for a while.  Now that most of the crucial, important, attention demanding work is done, I can concentrate more on myself.  I also realize that this blog is really "gaining" based, and maybe I could post a little here and there about interests and current activities.  Thank you to all those reading this by being so supportive.  I will continue to post regularly.  

Lonely.

So I got up and have been looking on the computer for guys in my area to chat with, but no one is online.  Even these blogs I've been following and bloggers that are following me aren't posting anything new.  I feel so alone right now.  I used to get one or two comments on my blog entries that would give me some reassurance and keep me gaining so I stay pleasantly plump.  No one to share with, no one to chat with.  I almost feel stupid for writing these blogs.  Almost.  Sometimes I think it helps me keep my sanity (if I ever had a shred to begin with.)  After hours on the net I realized how lonely I really was and also how my crush is not going anywhere.  *Sigh* 

Yesterday.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day, another hopeless day for me finding that special someone.  I'm fat and unattractive for the most part (however, I've 'grown' to accept that.)  It's in the eye of the beholder.  This I know.  Just feeling a bit down today so forgive me.  Been snacking on pink frosted cupcakes, chocolate hearts, and tons of leftover food from last night.  Eating when uncomfortable, the gainer's best friend.  So worry not, I won't stress myself to the point of losing inches.  It's quite the opposite considering I can practically hear the sound of my shorts ripping wide open (eats another hershy's kiss *pop*). 

Sundays.  I'm filled with dread on Sundays.  Not entirely sure why.  Maybe it's because this is a day for going to church which I have become less accustomed to do.  Often I feel more a sense of guilt.  It's the fact that I'm living in such sin.  The biggest mortal sins I can think of.  Vanity, Sloth, Lust, and Gluttony.  My live-in-the-now philosophy is not working out well partially because it makes me look selfish and lazy.  Naturally that means I'm not enjoying myself very much.  

Update.

I've never been able to do an update since last summer when the gaining all started.  But irony of irony's while I was starting to think of losing weight I ended up gaining quite a few pounds.  It was last night when I got up from this computer to shower, I noticed when I stood up that my stomach wobbled more than usual. I lifted my shirt and saw a hefty ball drop and bounce right in front of me.  Then I noticed my chest was much bigger.  All the weight is carried mostly in my stomach, chest, and back.  So I decided to measure myself.  My belly measured a perfect 57" around.  That's been my goal as far as size is concerned.  So I must weigh in the 300-320 neighborhood.  My goal is reached.

Doubts.

I've been gaining for a while now and I realized that I would be sacrificing a lot just by looking fat.  As most of you gainers are aware of, even if we accept each other and appreciate the work we put into shaping our bodies, there are those who are quite the opposite.  I have never been teased about my weight yet, but I can feel the stares sometimes of all my skinny friends.  My best friend and I are the only ones who really have a right to joke about each other.  Between me and him that would include dramatic changes in weight.  After high school he got really thin and taller, I stayed the same hight and became much much fatter.  I'm sure he's noticed that.  But we never say anything to each other.  I look at my skinny best friend and how great he looks coupled with the new hair cut he's been sporting lately.  I have become quite jealous of him.  

Being fat has made a lot of things awkward.  I will never dance on stage again without an extra hundred and thirty pounds wobbling around like waves in the ocean.  I don't exactly fit well into the seats at the theater.  My sides are pressed into each other causing a small bubble of fat to protrude further out in front of me peeking slightly from under my shirt.  Usually it takes a while until my lower belly starts feeling chilled.  Clothes aren't fitting right of course.  It's hard to be taken seriously at a job interview (at least it is for me.)  especially when I'm turning in applications at the bakery.  Always a fantasy of mine to work at a bakery and fatten myself with the gorging of many delectable wedding cakes and drums of frosting.  

So every thing is explained.  50% of gaining is embarrassing and the other 50% is just hot.  I feel like I want to loose all this weight some times just to look as handsome as my friends.  Who knows?  I may just do that after college.

Dream.

So last night I woke up from the strangest dream that I ever had.  It was scary vivid and at times just plain scary.  I never wake up from scary dreams in a cold sweat screaming my head off.  This dream was no different.  The reason why I'm bothering to mention it is because a portion of it was a "gainer" dream.  Without further a due, here's my story:

There I was completely on my own.  I didn't come with a friend.  I was at some sort of spa where there were long underground hallways connecting various rooms together built for steam, showering, massage, candles for aroma therapy, etc.  The main hall curved.  It veered one way, then another.  It was very long.  Finally and without even reaching the very end, I arrived at the bathroom.  There were stalls with doors painted the calm cool color of fresh cement.  The walls were covered in white tiles.  Beautiful porcelain sinks with silver knobs standing on the opposite side of the elliptically shaped room.  This bathroom was indeed nothing like I'd ever seen.  I don't know how long I must have stood there, but before long a very large man stepped into the room He was very fat with a large belly and a burly chest.  He had a very very round face made possible my the solid roll under his chin.  He was very bronzed and smooth with short blonde hair and the lightest shade of blue in his eyes.  He asked me how I was feeling today as though he knew me.  I played along and said 'I'm great today, how 'bout you?'  He smiled at me and the crease of his jawline became deliciously defined.  Such dimples!  He said there wasn't much going on out there, just a bunch of the same old brood who come every year just to be lazy and make fun of the occasional new guy.  I was suddenly worried.  I was the new guy apparently.  I could sense that.  I was also the odd one out, me being less chunky than every one there.  Suddenly it seemed like the stranger recognized that I wasn't 'one of them'.  He apologized for the misunderstanding and introduced himself as Rex.  He asked me how I was enjoying the spa and even pointed out the obvious physical traits of the common attendees.  There was no denying as I looked down at my average belly.  He padded it for some reason and smiled at me again with eagerness.  He said he knew for sure that I was the new guy based on the short lived wobble of my masses.  Then after a few minutes of becoming acquainted a voice was heard getting closer and closer to the bathroom.  Without warning, Rex had grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me into the nearest stall.  He stood outside it.  Making sure that no one even knocked.  And there were definitely two other guys entering the bathroom, but of course they came there for a reason and entered the next two stalls.  While they chatted I heard Rex whisper clearly to me, "How are you feeling in there?"  "Not bad", I replied.  Suddenly i felt a very warm sensation in the dead center of my forehead and from random spots on my body.  The toasty feeling seemed to have accompanied a temporary red glow (like holding a flashlight under my fingers) and then the rumbling started.  It made me quake and shake from the inside with a terribly ticklish gurgle.  "What's going on it there?" asked Rex "I can feel it out here."  The next thing that happened was like in slow motion.  I suddenly began to grow.  My belly was blowing up to an incredible size.  My legs, my arms, my hands and feet were getting more blubbery and "puffed" just like pastry.  I groped the sides of my girth and felt the swell of my chest.  My face was also changing.  My cheeks forced my lips together and my whole head tilted up because the roll of fat under my chin made in even harder to look down.  The slabs of fat draped over my back made me look like a water bed all of this added to the bulges that encompassed my head like it was the button of a seat cushion.  And while I concentrated on the rest of me my belly was still growing more voluminous.  I felt my love handles spreading out relentlessly and pushing the door out.  Little by little the metal of the door popped and dented into a convex form, pushing Rex forward.  He tried his hardest to open the latch of the door, but even with his burly arms he did not have the strength.  I stopped.... I was done growing.  There was silence.  "What's happenin' out there, Rex?  Sounds like the Titanic's going down."  Then the door POPPED!  Rex was shoved nearly into the sink.  The two strangers rushed out.  Their robes nearly coming undone.  I struggled to maneuver my considerable bulk out the narrow stall.  The whole process looked like biscut dough breaking free from the tube.  I made it.  Rex stood there, holding the towel covering his wide lap tightly.  The two men stood in awe with mouths agape fading slowly into grins.  I was embarrassed at first until each of them escorted/shoved me out the door and I was greeted by the hoots and hollers of the other bathroom attendees.  There was no telling how I came to be that way so quickly, but I'm sure it was something about where I was.  Rex certainly agreed.  He said he thought it did wonders for him when he first arrived patting his own immense belly but that was until he saw the effect the spa had on me.    

The End.

Looking For Someone.

I'm looking for someone special.  But a lot of people out there probably know, and I've probably mentioned this before, that there aren't many gainers/admirers here in Iowa.  I'm looking for someone to talk to sincerely.  To tell you the truth, there was someone who's picture I was crazy about from Biggercity and we talked back and forth for a while, but he doesn't get it.  I'm the one who always has to send the first message to start off.  I went so far as threatening to lose all the weight to get a reaction out of him and he said nothing.  Chasers should be more worried when they hear that a big guy decides to lose his pounds.  That says to me 'he' just doesn't care.  He said before in a response that he's sorry for not sending messages because he's a naturally shy person.  I don't mind that.  I just feel a little bad if I made him feel that way.  I guess I was so excited because he was an attractive Iowa chaser close to my age 'a little older' and liked a lot of the same things.  Perhaps I got carried away.  I might find someone some day.  Sorry, but this is more of a vent blog.

No updates on the weight, although I am looking pretty big.  Doing nothing all day but eating and massaging my stomach after each meal.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Money is of course really tight right now since I haven't found a job yet so I won't go on another "Eat Week" like I did to get up to the 320lb mark.  Wish me luck and donate if you can, knowing that every added dollar could make me bust my belt.