'Bouncing' from One to Another.

After making my last post there were a couple good months between then and now but I've been employed very 'heavily'.  No, not heavy in that special way but still maintaining that grand overweightness.  And after long last I thought I might be reporting some comforting news about a suitor.  Terribly distressing that the person I feel the most kinship with so far had a few great conversations with me and is now officially brushing me off.  You know when that happens right?  You're browing online invisible because you might be trying to avoid one very strange guy who takes things to a whole new extreme level.  Then the person you see as a friend signs on.  You give it some time maybe a minute or two and appear online, no longer invisible.  Not even a full minute later your friend ducks out.  You're not sure if the last conversation you had with this friend went sour or if you said something that scared him off.  Whatever happened I'm sure glad to have people I can talk to.  If I never get to meet one of them in person it will be tough but I'll be ok.

Short post, but I must be off to work.  "Hi ho"

Skin Deep deep deep....

Probably my most favorite widely publicised man gaining weight as part of a personal experiment is definitely Paul James or "PJ" as he is known by his friends. The Australian hunk goes from about 170-08lbs or something (they go by kilos which I can't really measure off the top of my head) and gets massive over the course of a year. I have seen footage of his experiment in his documentary entitled "Fat and Back" where he at one point confesses to the camera that he 'can't live like this any more'. And I felt bad for him. I know that gainers in our world, those that enjoy this lifestyle, probably wouldn't feel ashamed of having a fit or slimmed physique but that's only because society has its norms that most classify with happiness. 'Fat and happy' is also a widely expressed term. It's the worlds fault for making PJ at such a vulerable stage in his experiment feel that shame and disgust with himself. All I wanted to do as an observer was give him a great big hug and tell him not to be upset, that he looks fine and nothing has to stay the same forever if he choses.

How do I feel sitting here still a great deal fat and happy with my body?

I look down at what I've been seeing for years. A round belly with billowy moobs resting gently on top rising and falling with each breath. I feel the softness, I see the expanse, I hear the occasional gurgle of air inside while my digestion does its daily thing. Maybe I'm just used to it, but I don't feel uncomfortable at all. In fact, there is extreme comfort to it, which has muscle studs like Paul James concerned (scared whitless). I only suppose that he feels this current state of fatness with last forever and that he wont ever see the body he was so in love with. Where would he get such an idea? Yes the food was great, it tasted good and made him hunger for more. But habbits can always be broken. He proved all that by dropping his beautiful weight. Good for him. But there are some who feel a bit paranoid even with such success. Will this last? Will he end up fat again without intending to be? Probably yes. A lot of people end up that way sooner or later. And whos to say it wouldn't have happened without his conscious decision? Point being this man was beautiful oustide/inside before, after and will be for life. If only the public didn't feel that beauty was only skin deep. It covers something deeper and more beautiful. Especially the fat.

Nothing But Fluff.

So it turns out that I haven't received a comment in about a year. That's fine, I don't exactly thrive on commentary, but to know that someone is reading and taking away something positive from my writing would be "fat'tastic". lol I think I had also mentioned in another post that it seemed interesting how I am unable to write about nothing more that fat or being fat or wanting to be fat(ter), the last being an extension of what I already am. But what else can I do if I had tried so many times to branch out. Thanks to years and years of being a lazy butt and watching myself become that which fascinated me most, I can truly talk about something from first hand knowledge and experience. Isn't that the best way to go about writing a blog?

 

 

Lately I've been having these purely 'entertaining' dreams where I am usually the star. There "we" are sitting around a bath house covered in white tile. A labrynth of white chambers with white hallways winding endlessly into new rooms filled with new people I never saw before. All of them men, I feast my eyes in a fantastical sight of other guys like myself simply lazing around and growing fatter in various degrees of growth. Some of them are hairy, others are smooth, some bronzed and some fair skinned with every natural hair color. As I pause here I come to realize that I'm probably a true slut if my options are so open and varied. Eventually in these dreams I find myself in a room with maybe one other person and he's usually fit. He takes me in close and we start to kiss and fondle exploring something new and wonderful about each other. With each caress and he finds a soft mound of fat around my leg focussing hungrily on its shape and curve with his long able fingers. I wonder with my rather chubby hands around the distinguishing shape of his midsection. Tufts of his hair whirring between my fingers by their stroking.

 

 

What a moment so long, nearly eternal in its bliss, I thought it was all real for an instant. Then of course I would begin my own growing transformation, starting with the expanse of my stomach. My personal onlooker gazing with a blush to his cheeks and a reaching erection smiles close at my side while his eyes whitness the magical fattening nearly inches from my center of gravity. On occasion the role of gainer would change from him to me or both of us at the same time but it would always end before one of us bursts. I wake up nearly sweating and pounding my heart out.

Wow I have issues. lol

Curve Ball.

Sometimes I wonder why I leave for so long and seem so surpised that no one is posting. Perhaps you have all moved to twitter and tumblr, but I'm staying true to the original. We've all got some things tossed into our lives that have affected the present since I last spoke with you. For me there have been significant changes. First thing to happen since October was that I've moved into a more private residence where I'm more free to walk around in the nude, or more so than where I came from. Second thing is the saddest part, I've lost some weight.

*listening for the groans and complaints as others turn away fromt the computer grabbing chips and yelling at their screens with a mouthfull muffling, "that'll never happen to me"*

I've always had pride in how well I managed to keep everything up. My finances, my self esteem, my weight. And after a long streak of yo yoing from 310 to 270 back up to 307 after meeting my gainer/encourager friend by chance during my last job to today where I sit before you down to 280 again. I feel that if things didn't go very well careerwise I'd be enormous right now. But the truth is, things have improved in that department. I've got the job I've always wanted and while it may not be permanent, it is the paving of a new life for me; step number one. Without this job I would be lumbering about at 308lbs with low confidence and trying to fill the void with McDonalds ballooning finally to the weight I'd long desired for myself, 350lbs. In that life, suddenly, things would change for the dramatically better and severely hotter. Encouragers would for the first time actually enjoy my company to get a chance at stroking my protruding belly. They would see me as the end result of their fantasy and constantly inquire of my journey to jowels, my progress to paunch, my crescendo to corpulence and I would tease them with payment of one pastry per minute on the subject.

But sadly this may be a very dim shadow of things that may or may not come to be. Only an erotic fantasy of my own that no one else shares for me. That is another sobering fact that I feel should be brought to light. Another wonderful man has come and gone from my life. Though eagerly desired, from the opposite ends of the planet as fate ordained, he found another to love who can give the warmth and love I was so willing and wanting and waiting to give. Another blessed love has left a hole in my heart. So while they enjoy a great deal of time together I'm left on a very slow search. There is nothing I regret more than chosing my career over love. Which should be so obvious a downfall considering the many t.v. dramas I've encountered on my couch potato cavalcade with the rest of my lazy peers. I must accept what life has dealt me and move to the next adventure. There is really no downside any more. So hopefully when I write to you soon it will be with great news and a full stomach bouncing back into action. And perhaps give some of those big guys on grommr.com a real run for their money.