Help me gain weight.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Curve Ball.

Sometimes I wonder why I leave for so long and seem so surpised that no one is posting. Perhaps you have all moved to twitter and tumblr, but I'm staying true to the original. We've all got some things tossed into our lives that have affected the present since I last spoke with you. For me there have been significant changes. First thing to happen since October was that I've moved into a more private residence where I'm more free to walk around in the nude, or more so than where I came from. Second thing is the saddest part, I've lost some weight.

*listening for the groans and complaints as others turn away fromt the computer grabbing chips and yelling at their screens with a mouthfull muffling, "that'll never happen to me"*

I've always had pride in how well I managed to keep everything up. My finances, my self esteem, my weight. And after a long streak of yo yoing from 310 to 270 back up to 307 after meeting my gainer/encourager friend by chance during my last job to today where I sit before you down to 280 again. I feel that if things didn't go very well careerwise I'd be enormous right now. But the truth is, things have improved in that department. I've got the job I've always wanted and while it may not be permanent, it is the paving of a new life for me; step number one. Without this job I would be lumbering about at 308lbs with low confidence and trying to fill the void with McDonalds ballooning finally to the weight I'd long desired for myself, 350lbs. In that life, suddenly, things would change for the dramatically better and severely hotter. Encouragers would for the first time actually enjoy my company to get a chance at stroking my protruding belly. They would see me as the end result of their fantasy and constantly inquire of my journey to jowels, my progress to paunch, my crescendo to corpulence and I would tease them with payment of one pastry per minute on the subject.

But sadly this may be a very dim shadow of things that may or may not come to be. Only an erotic fantasy of my own that no one else shares for me. That is another sobering fact that I feel should be brought to light. Another wonderful man has come and gone from my life. Though eagerly desired, from the opposite ends of the planet as fate ordained, he found another to love who can give the warmth and love I was so willing and wanting and waiting to give. Another blessed love has left a hole in my heart. So while they enjoy a great deal of time together I'm left on a very slow search. There is nothing I regret more than chosing my career over love. Which should be so obvious a downfall considering the many t.v. dramas I've encountered on my couch potato cavalcade with the rest of my lazy peers. I must accept what life has dealt me and move to the next adventure. There is really no downside any more. So hopefully when I write to you soon it will be with great news and a full stomach bouncing back into action. And perhaps give some of those big guys on grommr.com a real run for their money.

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