Doubts.

I've been gaining for a while now and I realized that I would be sacrificing a lot just by looking fat.  As most of you gainers are aware of, even if we accept each other and appreciate the work we put into shaping our bodies, there are those who are quite the opposite.  I have never been teased about my weight yet, but I can feel the stares sometimes of all my skinny friends.  My best friend and I are the only ones who really have a right to joke about each other.  Between me and him that would include dramatic changes in weight.  After high school he got really thin and taller, I stayed the same hight and became much much fatter.  I'm sure he's noticed that.  But we never say anything to each other.  I look at my skinny best friend and how great he looks coupled with the new hair cut he's been sporting lately.  I have become quite jealous of him.  

Being fat has made a lot of things awkward.  I will never dance on stage again without an extra hundred and thirty pounds wobbling around like waves in the ocean.  I don't exactly fit well into the seats at the theater.  My sides are pressed into each other causing a small bubble of fat to protrude further out in front of me peeking slightly from under my shirt.  Usually it takes a while until my lower belly starts feeling chilled.  Clothes aren't fitting right of course.  It's hard to be taken seriously at a job interview (at least it is for me.)  especially when I'm turning in applications at the bakery.  Always a fantasy of mine to work at a bakery and fatten myself with the gorging of many delectable wedding cakes and drums of frosting.  

So every thing is explained.  50% of gaining is embarrassing and the other 50% is just hot.  I feel like I want to loose all this weight some times just to look as handsome as my friends.  Who knows?  I may just do that after college.