A Belly Poke To Remember.

Greetings fellow fat followers. Tonight was a special night. Special as in I did something kinda not nice but at the same time fell completely fine about it later. Nothing too harsh, I actually ditched a group of friends to meet a fellow gainer/encourager tonight and it was actually a ton of fun. :) He has a little ways to go 'alteast from what he tells me' and I understand what he means, but honestly the guy looks great no matter what, although I do prefer his look now compared to how thin he was a couple years ago. It started out fairly random and kinda awkward because he never really came into the bar where me and my friends where to introduce himself but I understood. It would be very odd trying to explain how exactly he and I met or our reasons for meeting. He has a boyfriend, so I'm not sure 100% what this friendship will entail but so far it seems he's a great guy and I would definitely like to chat with him anytime I can. After we finished our dinner, he lifted a bit of his shirt and rubbed his little tummy and as we were pulling out he commented on how nice mine looked after the meal and gave me a little poke on the belly. I absolutely loved it. Looking forward to a potential full rubbing. He ended the meeting with a nice hug which I thought was so sweet and I'm totally sad he's taken. But I think I can still settle with friendship even as time passes. Perhaps we will both grow as a result of this friendship.

Big Fat Whoop.

So here I am in sunny humid Orlando where the cute gay men are plentiful and the beach bekens. I'm currently participating in an internship program down here and if things turn out well, I may move here permanantly with a part time job at Universal or Disney (depending on which has more hours). Besides all of the beautiful guys out here few (if not any of them) seem interested. And why would they? I'm a fatso. lol

There's nothing wrong with being my size. I've know that for a looooong time. The only issue is trying to find someone willing to meet with me and is fully interesting in 'all' of me. I roomed with a nice gay guy two weeks ago and he ended up moving out on me two days ago. So without regret I sent him on his way, because it was only after we met that I realized he was expecting a much much thinner and less fat version of me. I shared an older picture of me when we first had a chat online and he seemed very interested. I mentioned that I didn't have any more recent pictures because I'd put on a lot of weight recently. He said 'Hun, don't worry. I love the person inside most. The rest doesn't matter at all.' So I believed him. But once I came up behind him in the hotel pool area and gave him a little bear hug, he turned around and saw my big belly right there in his face and all at once lost the eager grin on his face. I stood slightly embarrassed for a second, but then he stood and gave me a little hug back. He locked his wrists between where my chest fat creased into the fat of my love handles. He said, "Ooooo I kinda like this" as he slightly jiggled the surrounding fat and I felt a nice slow ripple go through me. "Youre like a teddy bear."

I then felt warm inside. A man was holding me and seemed to like it. I thought we would share beautiful evenings together on the couch with him lying on top of me both watching our favorite movie. I thought I would have my first kiss then, but it was sadly never to be. He found a 'girl friend' and he never spoke to me after. Apparently he never mentioned that he was bi. But I strangely don't feel sadness from it. I felt free. I had broken the ice and I feel that I might be more ambitious in meeting the next guy.

(Look at me talking about the next guy. Sounds like I'm on 'Sex and the City'.)

If anyone in Orlando would like to possibly go to a buffet with me and keep myself or ourselves ample. Please let me know via email which should be posted on my profile. If that doesn't work leave me a comment and I'll be sure to fix it. As for my current weight I've managed to put on a good 3lbs since I arrived which surprised me greatly. So here I sit on my 303lb butt waiting for Mr. Right as always. Not much of an improvement I know, but hey... Improvement is improvement.

'A-round' Town.

I'm back.

I was noticing that other bloggs haven't been updated very often so I decided I'd give some readers a new post to look at.

I have been through a very interesting and some would say depressing year. There's just too much to talk about in this post, but I'm sure I'll find a way. You know how long they can be. So I guess the only issue is where to begin. When I last left off, there was talk of me losing all the weight and dropping to a svlet size suitable for a snazzy suit at work. Don't worry, that never got off the ground. I'm still quite fat. Maybe a few pounds thinner but I still basically have the gut and thighs I did before. Really it's only a 6 pound difference.

This morning I weighed myself at 297lbs and didn't feel to upset about seeing it. At one point a month or two months ago, I swear I was bound to hit 310lbs soon, but then the money well ran out. I've been saving more and as a result, it meant letting a couple pounds slip away from me. Partially I was hoping on getting some help through a local encourager. He's been chatting with me a couple times lately offering to help pay for some big meals and in return he just wants to be there to see me grow and maybe the occasional belly rub. Lately he hasn't been answering my messages, so I think that might be over with, but if he offers again someday I still wouldn't mind meeting him.

I've been off and on with a very very very special guy who is an encourager from CA. Even though we agreed to keep our relationship open until we actually meet someday, he's managed to find more guys than I've ever met in my life. But I had something of an actual date recently that didn't go very long. lol And he managed to place his hand on my leg a couple times reasuringly, though I'm pretty sure it wasn't an invitation to mess around. But I still love this guy, and a part of me always will.

I may update this post later.

Blubber Blogger.

Thank you once again, my valued readers, for subscribing to this blog. You have no idea how appreciative I am for having the occasional comment and I hope to continue hearing from you all. According to the Feed Tracker located on the right side of the home page, I get quite a lot of visits from different parts of the globe. At the very bottom is a 'web hit' counter that tells me how many people visit while I'm away. The only trouble with that is every time I visit my own to edit and then return to my home page it will count how many times I've been there (thus throwing everything off). Not sure how many of those visits were mine, but thankfully I've noticed that 200 or so have come and gone since my last posting. So thank you for stopping in to read.

I understand that to those of you who came across my blog might find it a little strange. What is this guy doing posting stuff about getting fatter, eating like a pig, and gloating about each pound as though it meant another $1000 in his bank account. (I'm not getting paid to write nor to eat, although.....I certainly wouldn't mind.) Eating the way I do or any of us gainers do is very expensive. But there are times when we substitute a simple reward such as a new DVD or a sweet new Wii game after a hard days work for an ample, sumptuous feast at your favorite restaurant. The benefit of which you can carry with you wherever you go. You only need to look down at yourself and physically see all that tasty grub you've been putting away for weeks/months/years. Why do I feel so proud of it? Because it's probably one of the few goals I've accomplished thus far in my life. Maybe that's not such a great way of putting it, but I do have other probably more realistic goals and long way to go to achieve them.

If you still don't understand, I apologize, I'm not the best at explaining this kind of thing. But I'm sure it's time that I made an attempt.

Why change anything? Why get those implants or pump that iron? Why starve yourself into that dress or cut out a certain favorite soft drink so your teeth wont stain? And lastly, why do you need a couple extra pounds? It's all for yourself. Obviously, there are those who do it to land a man or woman. There are men who go crazy for large breasts, and other men that appeal to another prominent piece of anatomy in his own sex. There are guys who go for larger women and there are those who go for larger men, HALLELUJAH! So there's hope for me yet.

I have been reading a very fascinating blog called GAINING PERSPECTIVE that seems to really put into better word the whole truth on what it means to be a gainer. I've actually come to feel more comfortable about my kink because of the blog's creator SFBaydude02. Thank you.

Does all this mean I'm ready to come out about this to everyone I meet? No. The nature of being a gainer is that we tend to want the more exclusive lifestyle, or at least I do. Most of us don't care if we end up cut from the general populous for a while, chilling in a small apartment with the man who will exacerbate our fat fetish until we're properly plumped. We tend to enjoy being on the town with our encouragers, secretly showing off what a fine job he's done with us on our way to the buffet. In front of perfect strangers, this is gainer heaven. But there's another side to what this lifestyle means for us. Some have the immense courage to grow with friends and family nearby and most of us have no choice. They take one look at us, realize the changes we're going through, and most of the time they worry about our health. This can put a damper on our gains. How can some of us not feel just a little bit guilty as a result of this? We don't want to disappoint those dearest to us, and thus we are left with an internal struggle. I need to please those around me by bending to their will and not my own but I really want the body I have now. That's way a lot of gainers tend to lose and gain off and on because they would prefer not to have the general conflict of it all.

I have experienced most of what I've mentioned above. I currently stand proud of the body I'd always dreamed about having, but the family has great expectations about me loosing the weight to make them feel more at ease. Every time I've been feeling ill somehow they link the whole thing to my obesity. But I feel that it's 100% manageable at this stage. And who knows what I'm capable of obtaining with the help of an encourager. All one needs to do, is accept that things are happening for the best whether it be slimming down for a while or growing to massive proportions. It's all about making yourself happy.

I hope that this made some sense to you. I have trouble with rambling.

Crushed.

Need I say more? Mr. Right, where are you?

The Diet Died.

Many a week ago, I thought I'd try the diet thing again but today I sit upon my wide butt reporting that nothing has changed. In fact I may be larger now. That sort of thing happens when one decides to cut back on eating.

It's weird how my cravings have changed. I was always sort of picky with my dinner selections at my favorite restaurant and would often leave out a certain vegetable or opt not to get the salad/soup. Lately I've been chowing down on the whole thing, every scrap. Sure some of you might say that the lettuce or other healthy green is just filler and makes you feel too full before consuming every scrumptious calorie, but nothing seems to fill me now.

Also, the acid troubles seem to be prevailing. I was tossing and turning in bed most of last night after a large dinner followed by a large dessert. Ever have acid so bad you get this burning at the top of your skull? Basically that's what happened to me. But on a lighter note I soon found myself hungering for a midnight snack, so I guess even when struck by illness my appetite perseveres. I've gained 5lbs since my last post, putting me at 305lbs overall. On a massively full stomach I would weigh nearly 307 which was close to the heaviest I'd ever been. Part of me wants nothing more than to see that grand number on the scale again, but I feel torn. After all I did want to go on this diet for a reason. Maybe I'm not fated to be thinner. I've bred my body to resist skinniness of any degree after the years of eating and eating resisting the crippling fullness.

Short post, yes. But I'm off to get some pizza.

300lbs.

Yes, it's true. After a couple months back home from Florida, and losing weight during that time, I've bounced back. I've regained it all and sit here now a nice round 300lbs. Not much else to say about that really. At first I would pretend that it wasn't intentional and that this whole thing was a pleasant coincidence. But after all the binge eating and trips to the drive-through I realize how intentional it was. I remember the day when I decided I might gain it back, and going back and forth from that to the present, I'm really liking the difference. However, I'm here to bring you readers some possibly dissapointing news. I have officially decided to lose the weight for now. I just recently found out that may actually get my dream job. Any one might say that they'd do anything to hook their dream job or do anything to fulfill their dreams. That's the case here. Details aside, I mostly would like to look good in the uniform. lol. I know it's a pretty vain reason, but still, you're only young once and I would like to try all of my options out before they litterally dissolve before my eyes.

Youth is fading. I can see tell tale signs that I'm getting older, even at my young age. By losing a few pounds I can recapture some of it. I want to feel revitalized and able to do absolutely anything, and let's face it there's a lot of limitations that come with growing as big as we gainers do. Don't judge me harshly by my decision. There's a path that we can shape ourselves and a path that won't alow us to turn around. I feel like I'm on the right path with this and I can do anything while I'm on it. I'll still be writing and posting some pics along the way (mostly side by side comparison stuff.) I don't want you all to think that I've completely changed my mind about the whole idea of gaining. I think you can shape your body however you like it. Bodybuilders, models, actors, etc. altar their appearaces all the time and often take it to an unhealthy degree. I would only like to shed a bit to make me light enough to dance and look svelt in my snazzy uniform. This again is only temporary. I will be a blimp one day, of that I'm sure.