'Bouncing' from One to Another.

After making my last post there were a couple good months between then and now but I've been employed very 'heavily'.  No, not heavy in that special way but still maintaining that grand overweightness.  And after long last I thought I might be reporting some comforting news about a suitor.  Terribly distressing that the person I feel the most kinship with so far had a few great conversations with me and is now officially brushing me off.  You know when that happens right?  You're browing online invisible because you might be trying to avoid one very strange guy who takes things to a whole new extreme level.  Then the person you see as a friend signs on.  You give it some time maybe a minute or two and appear online, no longer invisible.  Not even a full minute later your friend ducks out.  You're not sure if the last conversation you had with this friend went sour or if you said something that scared him off.  Whatever happened I'm sure glad to have people I can talk to.  If I never get to meet one of them in person it will be tough but I'll be ok.

Short post, but I must be off to work.  "Hi ho"

Skin Deep deep deep....

Probably my most favorite widely publicised man gaining weight as part of a personal experiment is definitely Paul James or "PJ" as he is known by his friends. The Australian hunk goes from about 170-08lbs or something (they go by kilos which I can't really measure off the top of my head) and gets massive over the course of a year. I have seen footage of his experiment in his documentary entitled "Fat and Back" where he at one point confesses to the camera that he 'can't live like this any more'. And I felt bad for him. I know that gainers in our world, those that enjoy this lifestyle, probably wouldn't feel ashamed of having a fit or slimmed physique but that's only because society has its norms that most classify with happiness. 'Fat and happy' is also a widely expressed term. It's the worlds fault for making PJ at such a vulerable stage in his experiment feel that shame and disgust with himself. All I wanted to do as an observer was give him a great big hug and tell him not to be upset, that he looks fine and nothing has to stay the same forever if he choses.

How do I feel sitting here still a great deal fat and happy with my body?

I look down at what I've been seeing for years. A round belly with billowy moobs resting gently on top rising and falling with each breath. I feel the softness, I see the expanse, I hear the occasional gurgle of air inside while my digestion does its daily thing. Maybe I'm just used to it, but I don't feel uncomfortable at all. In fact, there is extreme comfort to it, which has muscle studs like Paul James concerned (scared whitless). I only suppose that he feels this current state of fatness with last forever and that he wont ever see the body he was so in love with. Where would he get such an idea? Yes the food was great, it tasted good and made him hunger for more. But habbits can always be broken. He proved all that by dropping his beautiful weight. Good for him. But there are some who feel a bit paranoid even with such success. Will this last? Will he end up fat again without intending to be? Probably yes. A lot of people end up that way sooner or later. And whos to say it wouldn't have happened without his conscious decision? Point being this man was beautiful oustide/inside before, after and will be for life. If only the public didn't feel that beauty was only skin deep. It covers something deeper and more beautiful. Especially the fat.

Nothing But Fluff.

So it turns out that I haven't received a comment in about a year. That's fine, I don't exactly thrive on commentary, but to know that someone is reading and taking away something positive from my writing would be "fat'tastic". lol I think I had also mentioned in another post that it seemed interesting how I am unable to write about nothing more that fat or being fat or wanting to be fat(ter), the last being an extension of what I already am. But what else can I do if I had tried so many times to branch out. Thanks to years and years of being a lazy butt and watching myself become that which fascinated me most, I can truly talk about something from first hand knowledge and experience. Isn't that the best way to go about writing a blog?

 

 

Lately I've been having these purely 'entertaining' dreams where I am usually the star. There "we" are sitting around a bath house covered in white tile. A labrynth of white chambers with white hallways winding endlessly into new rooms filled with new people I never saw before. All of them men, I feast my eyes in a fantastical sight of other guys like myself simply lazing around and growing fatter in various degrees of growth. Some of them are hairy, others are smooth, some bronzed and some fair skinned with every natural hair color. As I pause here I come to realize that I'm probably a true slut if my options are so open and varied. Eventually in these dreams I find myself in a room with maybe one other person and he's usually fit. He takes me in close and we start to kiss and fondle exploring something new and wonderful about each other. With each caress and he finds a soft mound of fat around my leg focussing hungrily on its shape and curve with his long able fingers. I wonder with my rather chubby hands around the distinguishing shape of his midsection. Tufts of his hair whirring between my fingers by their stroking.

 

 

What a moment so long, nearly eternal in its bliss, I thought it was all real for an instant. Then of course I would begin my own growing transformation, starting with the expanse of my stomach. My personal onlooker gazing with a blush to his cheeks and a reaching erection smiles close at my side while his eyes whitness the magical fattening nearly inches from my center of gravity. On occasion the role of gainer would change from him to me or both of us at the same time but it would always end before one of us bursts. I wake up nearly sweating and pounding my heart out.

Wow I have issues. lol

Curve Ball.

Sometimes I wonder why I leave for so long and seem so surpised that no one is posting. Perhaps you have all moved to twitter and tumblr, but I'm staying true to the original. We've all got some things tossed into our lives that have affected the present since I last spoke with you. For me there have been significant changes. First thing to happen since October was that I've moved into a more private residence where I'm more free to walk around in the nude, or more so than where I came from. Second thing is the saddest part, I've lost some weight.

*listening for the groans and complaints as others turn away fromt the computer grabbing chips and yelling at their screens with a mouthfull muffling, "that'll never happen to me"*

I've always had pride in how well I managed to keep everything up. My finances, my self esteem, my weight. And after a long streak of yo yoing from 310 to 270 back up to 307 after meeting my gainer/encourager friend by chance during my last job to today where I sit before you down to 280 again. I feel that if things didn't go very well careerwise I'd be enormous right now. But the truth is, things have improved in that department. I've got the job I've always wanted and while it may not be permanent, it is the paving of a new life for me; step number one. Without this job I would be lumbering about at 308lbs with low confidence and trying to fill the void with McDonalds ballooning finally to the weight I'd long desired for myself, 350lbs. In that life, suddenly, things would change for the dramatically better and severely hotter. Encouragers would for the first time actually enjoy my company to get a chance at stroking my protruding belly. They would see me as the end result of their fantasy and constantly inquire of my journey to jowels, my progress to paunch, my crescendo to corpulence and I would tease them with payment of one pastry per minute on the subject.

But sadly this may be a very dim shadow of things that may or may not come to be. Only an erotic fantasy of my own that no one else shares for me. That is another sobering fact that I feel should be brought to light. Another wonderful man has come and gone from my life. Though eagerly desired, from the opposite ends of the planet as fate ordained, he found another to love who can give the warmth and love I was so willing and wanting and waiting to give. Another blessed love has left a hole in my heart. So while they enjoy a great deal of time together I'm left on a very slow search. There is nothing I regret more than chosing my career over love. Which should be so obvious a downfall considering the many t.v. dramas I've encountered on my couch potato cavalcade with the rest of my lazy peers. I must accept what life has dealt me and move to the next adventure. There is really no downside any more. So hopefully when I write to you soon it will be with great news and a full stomach bouncing back into action. And perhaps give some of those big guys on grommr.com a real run for their money.

Tomb Service!

Welcome foolish mortals. And Happy All Hallows Eve! Though it has been such a long time since posting, I don't think I can rightfully fill in this installment with so much detail of what's happened since. I will try my best. I have secured a new job working at Disney and it is wonderful. It was my dream job location right from the start and I've managed to pay rent every single month which was originally my biggest concern. Unfortunately money has been soooo tight I don't eat at all anymore. I really miss my food terribly so and dream about feasts in my sleep. I don't know which I would rather have, the job I dreamed about or the weight I'd dreamed about. Why couldn't I have both?? Yesterday when I stepped on to the once very dusty scales from lack of use I allowed the digital numbers to fetch me a new number for my weight. I peered down over the portion of my belly that was still round and bowed out above the wobbling overhang and saw that I had lost 20lbs since starting my job here in August. My work clothes have dropped nearly 3 sizes each piece and I must say I feel I look snazzy in them. Would I still enjoy being fat in my costume, you bet I would and have the sneaking suspicion that one of my handsome coworkers would find me even more attractive and validated in his suspicions of me and my size. We have talked and joked before (not about weight) but he has given me a few pokes to the stomach and smiled widely. He's an odd ball but devilishly cute. This time however I know exactly what he likes...based on what I've heard from an old acquaintance of mine who encountered this guy for a feeding at which my coworker was quite skilled and accomplished at. You may remember me telling you about this not long ago how a close friend of mine at my most recent job location turned out to be an encourager/gainer/feeder who showed up on my doorstep at 1 o'clock in the morning to confess this? For certain, this guy who has been poking my stomach and giggling at me is no doubt a member of our community whether active or not I get a bit tingly thinking about how to tell him. Or should I even bother? I'm wasting away to nothing though still at a healthfully fat 280lbs, I doubt that feedings will take care of my problem. Where will the food come from??? How often can we meet with his full time schedule and Disney always changing out start times less than 24 hours before? I am a mess of confusion and no doubt there is more to come in this saga of "WTF". I hope some reader out there can wish me the best of luck as I try to decide where to go with my life from this point on. Will continue to post no need to worry (if any of you still care to read).

(Fat)asies come true!

Hello my beloved readers. Glad to be back. So much has happened in the past month 1/2 since my last posting. Only a few more minutes until I must trudge back to work for another measly six hours, but not so bad really. Sorry it's been so long since I've writte. Many things have happened, almost relationship, meetings with fellow gainers/encouragers, etc. You know the drill. And a most interesting an remarkable thing happened to me last month, which I shall divulge to you my friends.

Since starting at my current job, I've been having great difficulty coping with the tasks, and getting along with coworkers and guests that come to the parks. After working for 4 months I made one or two decent friends. They seemed to tollorate my company and I was happy to be included every now and again. One friend in particular was a real gem. He was certainly a cutie and of course there was no doubt from anyone especially in himself, but he wasn't vain or self centered. We would hang out a couple times and talk about different things like our jobs and boys. (Yes, he is gay as am I). Most often we would meet by the pool and share a bit of down time before clocking in. I swore I caught him staring at me but thought nothing of it. He was such a nice guy, although in a relationship, I didn't mind that sort of harmless flirthing. It was on a ride home one night that he asked if I had an account with Biggercity.com to which I shamelessly answered, yes. Turns out he also had an account there and fancied himself a chaser. I felt a bit more comfortable around him then on. He went to the pool a couple times more and I knew for sure this time when I pretended to close my eyes that his own eyes wandered about my midsection and namely my belly puffed out and proud. I decided on wearing shirts that were slightly more snug than usual partly because I was carrying a lot of water weight and my clothes felt smaller than normal, but also becase I knew this special friend would get a kick out of it. Low and behold, one night he sends me a text asking if he could come over to my apartment. I invited him in once he showed up just a few minutes later almost trembling. I just finished cleaning my apartment and stood there in my tightest shorts and shirt from my kitchen as he sort of glared at me. Uneasily I asked if everything was allright. To my near embarrassment he asked me about my account on grommr.com which is a new gainer/encourager site. I was nearly floored! How the heck did he know?! My friend smiled a big smile and told me that there was nothing to worry about because he was the same as me. An encourager with an eye for other growing guys. We talked and talked hours and hours into the night until the sun came up about gaining and other gainers and about our history and where we believe it all started. He had never really met a real gainer before even though I'd met a few and he admitted to me that all he really wanted was a chance to give a belly rub to someone who would genuinely enjoy the sensation. I allowed it. And it was amazing. Sadly he has moved away to be with his boyfriend, which I totally and completely understand. It just wasn't good timing and he ended up with someone before we had a chance to meet. Otherwise, who knows? Hopefully meet again someday.

Sadly the guy I thought would be my special someone and talked about in my last post failed to meet me again. We don't talk anymore but I still cherish the wonderful moments we shared alone, our eyes closed, our lips touching. Too bad something so good can't last but that's life. And I'm so enjoying what I have now, which is a nice private place to live and plenty of food for my growing belly.

He Likes 'Em Big.

Moving on to the next man. :) lol

My gainer friend is great and I think he's a nice guy, but he's got a guy of his own. I finally met someone and I think he might be my first boy friend. You cannot believe the goosebumps I have right now just saying that. He and I have gone on two dates. Once just a walk downtown and then once at my apartment for a movie and some serious cuddling. There is nothing like the feeling you get when a guy you really like sits right down next to you and touches his leg, his hip to yours and knowing he enjoys the sensation. He had kissing on his mind and it was on mine too. We finally shared a date that the both of us had hoped for. Four straight hours we held hands and I rested my head on his shoulder. We stopped every two minutes it seemed just kissing and kissing. There was a point here it got soooo heated he began to straddle me with my belly between his legs an loomed over me with his soft lips inching closer to my cheeks. Each tender kiss was coupled with a gentle massage of my moob or belly and his other hand would be there rubbing my neck.

I swear it was beautiful.

We then cooled down a bit and just sat counting the minutes until I had to pick up and leave. But he and I seemed to mutually share a feeling. Neither of us wanted to leave and we both eagerly await to see each other again.

It's moments like that that make me happy and proud that I put on all of this weight and became as big as I am today. There are guys out there who love guys like us, guys who are heavy and big. There's absolutely no shame and there should be no doubt about our own attractiveness. My newest friend helped me realize this. So my advice to you guys doubting yourselves and over critisizing your bodies and picking at the little quirks or 'non appealing features' and just stand proud. They may well be the things that your guy will go for and love about you. So take the extra slice of cake and down it with the remaining milk in your fridge. There will be more of you to love. ;)